Henry Moore "Mother and Child" 1949
in the Denver Botanical Gardens 2010
“Tao gives life to all beings.
Nature nourishes them.
Fellow creatures shape them.
Circumstances complete them.
Everything in existence respects Tao
and honors nature -
not by decree, but spontaneously.
Tao gives life to all beings.
Nature watches over them,
develops them,
shelters them,
nurses them,
grows them,
ripens them,
completes them,
buries them,
and returns them.
Giving birth,
nourishing life,
shaping things without possessing them,
serving without expectation of reward,
leading without dominating:
These are the profound virtues of nature,
and of nature’s best beings.”
#51 the Tao Te Ching translation by Brian Browne Walker
Valentine’s day has passed and my “gift” actually came a few days before. I wasn’t expecting anything, as I have no “lover” to speak of and no special “someone”. What felt timely was the unconditional Love I feel for my three sons who are now young men on their own in the world. For me, a mother’s love is deep and it’s powerful. It is yielding and active. It calls for letting go when there is a desire to influence and control. It calls for one to rise up when you don’t believe you can, and to let go of personal wants when you are truly needed. I have immersed myself in mothering for over two decades. It is different than romantic love or a deep friendship, but there is a golden thread which I am just beginning to remember and return to. The exchange of Love I have experienced with my children was recently experienced through giving without expectation to a dear friend. The recognition of the Source occurred many, many moons ago when I had one of those aha experiences. I experienced Divine Love Energy through the Dance.
Eighteen years ago some of my friends were playing music in a beautiful outdoor setting. My oldest son, then 4, was building a huge bonfire with a friend of a friend, and I was nursing his two younger brothers. All was well, all was peaceful - within my realm of mothering. My youngest children were being cared for and falling asleep peacefully at my breasts. My oldest son was in his balancing element of fire and very content. The rest of the folks, including my former husband were drinking and partying. I was sober and content and in need of connection to something other than the social scene surrounding me. I loved the music. Instinctively, I climbed to the top of the hill above the crowd, removed my shoes and opened my arms to the beauty of the evening and the vibrations of the music being offered. I spun around and around, opening, like a spinning dervish, and as I created a vortex of energy in my spiraling, a channel opened up and a source of energy that I had never felt before poured through my entire being. I did not know at the time the magnitude of the experience, but it was powerful and I did know that. I couldn’t deny it or even shake it off. It had entered my core. In an euphoric state, I returned to my tent. My husband asked what I was doing up there. He said, I looked like an idiot. My life changed in that moment, though it took many years to take a new form. I knew I had been touched by the Divine. There was no question in my mind. There was no need to figure it out. It just was. It was all about me and God and I was one with All. Even my husband’s comment didn’t evoke anger. I had experienced Love in it’s purest and most potent form. I was grounded, open and soaring. I was deeper than any ocean, wider than any canyon, higher than any mountaintop, flowing freely, boundless. I was one with All. My only explanation/understanding was that it was Divine Love Energy. It was motherly, fraternal, sexual, creative. It was the source from which all things are created. I grew up as a Lutheran preacher’s kid. My father embodied the teachings of Christ. I did not live in fear of God. I did not grow up believing that some people were bad or wrong or needed salvation. I grew up embraced in Love, so this was like returning home.
And so it goes, mothering has been a deep spiritual path for me. I believe the experience I had while dancing was connected with the Love I was feeling at the time for my children. The connection with the Divine (the Creative) began at my children’s birthing. I was prepared to “ride the wave”. I did not resist pain. I did not even perceive the force that moved through me as pain. It was a strong wave of movement and I went along for the ride. It was going to happen one way or another and so I allowed it to Be. Nature has its way of doing what its going to do. Long story short, my first “hard labor” was about 45 minutes long and the “hard labor” for my twin pregnancy was about a half hour.
Through mothering, I have learned to nurture with regard to proper development. I have learned to love and let go, give without expectation of a return, and guide without controlling.
..... Seven and a half months later, I sit, ready to begin writing, and I find this blog, non-posted and relevant to my experience this evening. And so, with the intention to sit and share tonight, I re-read this and realize it is perfect once again with a brief addendum.
Today began with tears and a longing for change, growth and expansion, and then a friend called and altered the mind-set of the day. The call was a request for some support. My friend had sprained his ankle and asked if I had any recommendations from a Chinese medicine perspective. As a recent graduate of the Ancestral Mountain Tuina School and certified therapeutic bodywork practitioner, I felt qualified to offer sound medical advice based on what I had learned and practiced. I was willing to help. I didn’t realize in the moment that I was willing to drop what I had planned for the evening to assist him and promote his healing. And so it goes, to ride the wave of what we create.
My guiding principle was to offer myself in service without expectation of return. I was motivated by the desire to give. I made no claims that I would heal him, my ego was not involved in this exchange. I would give what I could, and that is something that the Universe would recognize, and I knew and trusted that pure intention would be acknowledged by a greater power and healing would be supported. Energy follows intention.
Tonight my blog entry was going to focus on forgiveness and healing the past of a lost love relationship. Finding this previous entry re-focused my attention on something relative, but bigger. What is Love? Love is expressed in many ways. For me, tonight, the realization of the gift of giving without expectation of something in return aligned me with the Source from which all things are born, nourished, shaped, ripened, restored, and completed. I am simply a channel for which the energy can flow.
