Let it BE

"Letting be is reverence; it is respect. It is what all true worship presumes, for it is letting God be God, letting self be self, letting suffering be suffering, letting joy be joy. With this letting be comes a growth into being and into identity with all these important energies of our lives."

~ Matthew Fox

My life is full. Full of goodness, full of conflict, full of joy, full of sorrow, full of fear, full of love. My life is full of understanding, confusion, resonance, misinterpretation, adversity, acceptance. I was, I am, I am becoming. I am not this or that. I am this and that. Infinitely divisible. Inseparable. Constantly changing, seeking balance. At any given moment, I may be perceived as this or that, but I am much more and much less.

I am All.

If I am All, “All for One and One for All”, and I look at another, is that other any different from me? Yes and no.

“Nonbeing gives birth to the oneness.

The oneness gives birth to yin and yang.

YIn and yang give birth to heaven, earth,

and beings.

Heaven, earth, and beings give birth to

everything in existence.

Therefore everything in existence carries

within it both yin and yang, and attains

its harmony by blending together

these two vital breaths.

Ordinary people hate nothing more than to be

powerless, small, and unworthy.

Yet this is how superior people

describe themselves.

Gain is loss.

Loss is gain.

I repeat what others have said:

The strong and violent don’t die natural deaths.

This is the very essence of my teaching.”

#42 the Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu, translation by Brian Browne Walker

Recently, conflict arose in my life. In this conflict, differing thoughts and feelings were exchanged amongst women who carry with them varying life experiences, ideas and beliefs that filter what they hear, affect how they listen and inform their choices. I felt the anger, the self-righteousness, and the fixed posturing anchored on the opposing sides of a decision that needed to be made concerning a project I am working on. I once said long ago, “I welcome conflict into my life, it is an opportunity for growth.” I did not state this as a challenge with a desire to bring it into my life, but rather acknowledging it as a valuable exercise in learning to embrace and accept all that is and hopefully to deepen my understanding of self and others.

Lately, I have been perceiving conflict as a confluence of different energies that have not yet fully merged and harmonized. After many years, I now trust that the increased momentum, volume and directional pull that creates turbulence will eventually be drawn back into the flow. Seeing these energies as a phenomena that exists in the natural world provides me with a relative context that connects me with something much larger than my insignificant ego.

One of the aspects inherent in conflict is anger. I relate to anger as fire with an upward energy of expansion and intensity. It requires fuel to continue burning and it contains the power to create and to destroy. I have learned that when anger arises in me, it is present for a reason. It is saying, “pay attention, there is something here that is important for you to stand up for, or ... to heal within yourself”. This indicator must be present in each of us. Can I honor someone’s anger? Can I learn from someone’s anger?

In this recent case of conflict and expression of anger, I recognized the wisdom of letting anger be anger. I knew it was important not to add fuel to the fire. I did not turn or run, but I dropped the bellows. Slowly, I am learning a new way. I knew in this case it was important for me to step back, let go of my personal convictions, remain engaged, and listen to this person’s anger. Where is it coming from? What is the anger saying? If I could let go of my own ideas and beliefs, which I could easily validate, I may learn something. Interesting to note that stepping back is also an important aspect of advancement in the painting process. While painting I can become consumed and focused with one small area that may please me or trouble me and if I don’t take the time to stop, step away and see the big picture I miss the relationship of that piece with the whole.

I decided to listen to the thoughts and feelings of other women that were not involved in the conflict. What I learned is that the anger that arose and I witnessed is rooted in a pain that is universally shared by women. It has been experienced in different ways to varying degrees, but it is a common thread in our herstories as women. For some the story has no voice, for others the voice speaks out demanding respect, and for others, the voice is soft, yielding and powerful. Giving the time to step back to gain a wider perspective offered me the opportunity to be mindful and more aware of my collective connection with other women. I too have experienced this pain. We share something similar, yet we are so different.

In allowing anger to be anger, and allowing pain to be pain, and giving time to listen to the views of others, I experienced the transformational grace of empathy and compassion and I yielded. I understood that the issue that arose was superficial to the power in the lesson underneath. I was not going to convince anyone that I was “right”, because there was no right or wrong. What mattered was my relationship with the whole that is born from the Oneness which gives birth to this and that, which is inseparable.